Our supporters, friends and family (in my opinion).
1. Listen without judgment. That's right, shut your trap and just listen.
2. Offer educated advice. Key word is educated. Yes, that means you have to dust off that book we may have given you. Or check out some links online. If you don't know what to say, go back to number one. It's okay just to listen.
3. Get to the know the child. All children need role models and special people in their lives. Bipolar kids especially do since they usually feel like no one likes them. They may lose friends at school and frustrate teachers.
4. Offer help. If you really care, get off your butt and help. That doesn't mean you have to babysit a mentally ill child (although that would be nice too). But parents have to grocery shop, which can be very difficult if not impossible with a special needs child. Some of us also have other children who may need a break, or who get tired of being dragged to all the doctor and therapy appointments. There's also laundry to be folded and meals to be cooked. Believe me, anything helps. Oh, and we won't ask out right because we don't want you to feel obligated or inconvenienced. We also feel guilty and ashamed about needing help.
5. Treat us like your other friends/family, but also realize our lives are different. And don't get frustrated if we're not always at our best. Because we are under a constant barrage of stress. So cut us some slack if we snap once and a while.
***Edit to add: Tell me I’m doing a great job and that I’m a good mother. I need to hear this often for encouragement by Mama Bear.
***Edit to add: Ask us how our kids are doing, just the same as you would a child with cancer by Jennifer.
***Edit to add: One thing I wish people would work on is learning the difference between pity and sympathy. Nobody wants to be pitied! But most of all? Number one, just like you said: Listen. You can't "fix" it for us and we don't expect you to. Just be there to listen and care. Oh, also? Anyone, anytime, is welcome to clean my bathrooms. By Adrienne.
Did I miss anything? Post a comment on what you'd like others to know and I'll edit the post to add it.
Tell me I’m doing a great job and that I’m a good mother. I need to hear this often for encouragement.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I agree with all of these.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right, any little thing will help.
Ask us how our kids are doing, just the same as you would a child with cancer.
Great post, Mama! I'm working on a similar one myself. We must be on the same wavelength.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I wish people would work on is learning the difference between pity and sympathy. Nobody wants to be pitied!
But most of all? Number one, just like you said: Listen. You can't "fix" it for us and we don't expect you to. Just be there to listen and care.
Oh, also? Anyone, anytime, is welcome to clean my bathrooms.
I don't have much to add but I love the part about get off your butt and help. If someone really cares, they should show it. Don't just talk the talk, walk the walk.
ReplyDeleteMmm hmmm, yep yep. I think 1 and 2 are like lather rinse repeat, lol!
ReplyDeleteWhat I HATE is people who say, "oh that's normal, all kids do that". Sigh. I KNOW THAT! I know that, and I know the difference!
Ahem. Anyway. Nice post!
Understand when we cannot join you for "family" events because our family just cannot handle that much fun! Don't expect me to load up six kids (one of which is unstable) and drive 12 hours just to attend a high school graduation! Do understand and let us know we will be missed but not in the snarky way that makes me feel like I need to try harder to do more "normal" things with my kids! I am doing the best I can and sometimes that means we have to miss out on things so that you can enjoy the event without my kid making everyone miss out!
ReplyDeleteThis is fantastic. I couldn't agree more with both the wonderful blog post and the comments. My mom is really good about saying what a good mom I am and I have some friends that are amazing listeners. I am very lucky. There is always that annoying person though that has to give uneducated advice, or, like Essie said, say something like "Oh all kids do that." When they can't begin to understand the intensity of what we are describing. I'll add one....
ReplyDeleteSometimes I just need a good hug, an understanding look or a squeeze of my hand. Sometimes, there is nothing a person can say that would help me to feel better.