Monday, July 12, 2010


No, no, mostly no.

Okay, I'm being dramatic. But that's what the day felt like. For real though. It was a no for the partial hospital program, which I'm really bummed about because I think it would have been really good.

I have childcare for at least one child for the rest of the week but after that I'm at a loss.

I called DCF voluntary services to see if they can hook us up with a camp or something. They can't. But they can give us a mentor for a couple hours a week. That's a start.

We've already been on the waiting list for the Intensive In-home Psychiatric Services Program, which would be really great but it's a long list. DCF might be able to get us pushed up on that list. It's worth a shot.

I called Dr. S and he said finding the right medications is going to be tough. We're going back to twice a day with the Abilify since that was better before. Then he'll add an anti-depressant next week when we see him. He said to bring him to the hospital if he gets really dangerous.

What exactly is really dangerous? As opposed to just regular dangerous?

I'll give you some examples.

Taz has attacked me with pointy objects, but not Chica, yet. But like I said in my last post, he made her bleed twice yesterday. He threw a wooden train at close range as hard as he could at her face and now she has a nice purple bruise on her forehead. Is that really dangerous? He's kicked her in the head and stomach. He's scratched her on her face. Is that too dangerous or just regular dangerous? Or not dangerous at all? I don't have any normal standards to compare to. Anyone? Anyone?

He hits and kicks and bites us. But that I can take. I'm worried about Chica. I'm worried she's going to have PTSD from living with her brother. She already flinches and hits the ground whenever he goes near her, good mood or not. She's scared he's going to knock her over or hurt her. It makes me cry just thinking about it.

I'm trying to get a home health aide through insurance but I highly doubt they'll pay for it.

The best thing that happened today is when I wrote a facebook message to my church pastor and his wife about Taz and asking if they knew anyone in the church who wouldn't mind babysitting once in a while, they literally called less than an hour later. And get this...they were on vacation! How amazing is that? The wife is a teacher at a school for kids with behavior and emotional disorders so she gets kids like Taz. She said they will think of how to help us. She also assured me that the local psychiatric hospital we would send Taz to if we had to is an excellent place. That she's dealt with them here and there and they are kind caring staff. And that sometimes they can pick up on things outpatient facilities can't because they are more intensive in their assessment. Just her phone call alone made me feel so much better about our situation. So thank God for them today!

As for tomorrow, we'll see what happens.


  1. J - I'm so sorry for all you're going through. You are amazingly strong, amazingly.

    Forgive me as I haven't read through all your posts so I don't know where you stand as far as hospitalization but I wonder if this wouldn't be Taz's best bet right now? He does sound dangerous - especially for Chica but I also wonder if hospitalization would make finding that 'perfect' medication cocktail easier?? Just a thought. ;)

    I'm thinking of you and the family. Sending you calm, peaceful vibes.


  2. OMG--I have absolutely no advice or thoughts. What a crappy situation for you! I wish we lived closer to each other and maybe I could give you a break once in a while. I hope you get some answers and/or solutions soon.

  3. Sigh. I hate that the things our kids face are so often made worse by an inadequate system.

    Are you at "really dangerous" yet? Yes, I think so. It sounds like he is spiraling up and as you know, there is more about Chica to protect than her physical body.

    Positive words about the hospital program from someone you love and trust is, in my mind, a game changer. The quality of care in psych hospitals is hugely varied, with some hospitals being worse than nothing and some being very good. You now have some new information that your hospital is good, and based on Chica's level of anxiety, I'd say it's time to seriously consider hospitalization.

    I'm so, so sorry that things are so hard right now, and I wish there was something more I could do for you. Praying that you find the right kind of care, whatever that turns out to be!

  4. I came to your blog through another one (Different, not Diseased). It does sound like Taz is dangerous, particularly because he is lashing out at his younger (?) sister. I don't have the complicated children that you do, but I have a friend who does (the author of Different) and my sister has two complicated children probably going on three. If I were you I would continue to seek help. It does sound like he's in a difficult part of the disorder and may need a little more help to reach stability.

    July 14, 2010 2:59 PM

  5. Yes, you need to get him away from Chica.