The Blame Game

The hospital Taz is in boasts a family centered approach to treatment. So far most of the nurses and staff have a guilty until proven innocent mindset about the parents. And since Taz has yet to exhibit any behavioral problems, the thought is that we, his parents, are to blame.

But what they don't seem to understand is that Taz is a survivor. His early childhood trauma has created this little being inside him that says to survive at all costs. That means until he knows he is safe and will get his needs met no matter what he does, he will comply. Until we get there. Then that big ball of pent up emotion comes to the surface and it can very much look like we are the ones with the problem.

But we're not. Obviously.

And I'm tired of being treated as if I am.

So tired that I am heading into the hospital tomorrow morning to give the therapist a piece of my mind. They need to tell the staff to back off. They need to know that there are sick kids in this world and that most of the time, it's no one's fault.

I asked one of the staff during my visit a couple nights ago why many of the other parents don't visit every day. He said that a lot of times the kids are there because of relationship strains with the parents. He said, "I don't want to say it's their fault or anything...but...the parents need a break and the kids need to reflect."

Reflect? This isn't meditation camp. Kids need their parents. Especially young ones.

This was after he told me that Taz was "showing off" because I was there because he's never seen him like that. Great. You've known my kid for 4 days and suddenly you know what's normal for him and what's not?

Another nurse told me that Taz seems calmer since starting the Intuniv. Great, he's calmer. But we're not here for calmer. We're here to stabilize his disorder. Disorder. Not a discipline problem. A real disorder.

I told her that I don't think it's enough because he is still aggressive and unstable on our visits. She said that because they haven't seen any of that it must be a behavior problem and that he just needs a consistent behavior program.

Sigh.

I told her I needed to speak with the psychiatrist about my concerns with the medication and she said that kids Taz's age can't be diagnosed with anything because it's too hard to tell how much of the hyperactivity is just because he's four and how much is ADHD.

Excuse me? Did I just hear you right? You think I put my son in a psychiatric hospital for being four? Or because he's hyper?

And enough of this ADHD crap! They are obviously not reading his file because it explains in black and white that Taz is in the hospital because he has attacked us with a screwdriver (as well as other dangerous objects) and is extremely aggressive with his younger sister. It also says his diagnosis is Bipolar, but apparently everyone just ignores that. And that he has severe mood swings and can't cope with his strong emotions.

They must have also missed the part where he was born addicted to cocaine and methadone. He is a recipe for disaster!

The bottom line is that Taz needs a mood stabilizer. Probably an anti-psychotic as well. And then maybe Intuniv. But I can't deal with the hyperactivity without dealing with the moods first. That is what dictates his behavior. His moods are what dictate his life (and ours).


Monday morning I'm going in with my game face on. I'm going to get an answer about starting a mood stabilizer and I'm going to complain about the implication that I have something to do with Taz's behavior. If they don't listen, we're leaving. I'm not going to waste our time and continue to traumatize my son. They are either going to do what we came for or it's not worth staying.